Online grooming is a sensitive and uncomfortable topic. However, people, especially young children, don’t know when they’re being groomed. Being groomed online refers to actions a predator takes to build trust, emotional connection and dependency with a person, often a child or vulnerable adult, to lower their guard for the purpose of sexual abuse or exploitation. A predator is an individual who uses the internet, social media or gaming platforms to groom, exploit or abuse children.

Sources say at least 300 million children per year are subjected to sexual exploitation and abuse online. Like them, you may have been or are currently being groomed and not even know it. If you think you are being groomed, it’s important to remember that it is not your fault and to tell a trusted adult, professional or hotline immediately. 

Before interacting with others online, it is important to look out for these signs to prevent yourself from being groomed.

Signs to look out for:

Secrecy and Isolation is when the predator isolates the child and insists on privacy with them -Per childsafety.gov, an official U.S. government website, managed by federal agencies like the Departments of Education, Health and Human Services, Homeland Security, and Justice

• Insisting on secrecy: The person tells you to keep your conversations “special” or a secret from your parents, friends or family, often saying they “won’t understand.”
• Moving to private messaging: They pressure you to move from public platforms, like game chats,  to private or encrypted apps like Snapchat, WhatsApp or Discord.
• Isolating you: They try to fill all your time, making you feel like they are the only person who understands you, separating you from friends and family.

Manipulative Trust-Building is when the predator manipulates the child and disguises it as building trust. -Per nationalchildrensalliance.org, is highly credible as the national association and accrediting body for over 750 Children’s Advocacy Centers (CACs) across the U.S.

• It feels “too good to be true”: They pay you excessive compliments, agree with everything you say and pay you an immense amount of attention.
• Gifts and money: They send you gifts, e-vouchers or in-game credits for games like Roblox.
• Using secrets: They might share “confidences” with you to make you feel closer to them and to encourage you to share your own secrets.

Boundary Violations and Escalation is when the predator violates boundaries and makes escalations to getting more out of their victim -Per anncrafttrust.org, a highly credible, nationally recognized UK charity dedicated to safeguarding adults at risk and supporting individuals with disabilities

• Introducing sexual topics: They start making sexual jokes, asking about your sexual experience or sharing inappropriate images, sometimes calling it “education.”
• Asking for images: They may ask for photos of you in your bedroom, in a bathing suit, or nudes, sometimes saying they’ll send theirs first.
• Avoiding video calls: They consistently say their camera or phone is broken, which might mean they are hiding their true identity.

Coercion and Threats is when the predator tries to convince their victim to do things they may not feel comfortable with using threats and coercion -Per fileabuselawsuit.com, a specialized legal resource… focused on connecting survivors of sexual abuse with experienced attorneys 

• Blackmail: If you have shared images or information, they may make threats to disclose them at your expense.
• Guilt trips: They may blame you for situations, telling you “it’s your fault” if you try to set boundaries.
• Testing boundaries: They use reverse psychology or strategic withdrawal (e.g., “I’m not sure about this, I think you might be too young”) to make you push for the interaction.

If you think you have been groomed online or are being groomed online, remember that it is not your fault and you are not alone. If you wish to get help, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN – US): 800-656-HOPE, the Cyber Helpline: For victims of online grooming or Victim Support: Is a support group that provides specialized support for victims of crime. Grooming is a crime and should be reported as soon as it happens to you or a loved one.